There are no labels in ICU…

Before my father passed away he spent some time in the Intensive Care Unit. 

He was assigned Bed 2 of the 5 beds that were arranged in a semi circle. The other four beds were occupied but it was impossible to know who lay under the blankets their faces covered by oxygen masks – and it really did not matter if they were male, female, black, white, beautiful, ugly, old, young, gay, straight, trans, bi, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim or Jewish.

For the most part, all 5 lay very still, the only sign of life came from the constant beeping of the monitors. The night that death came for Bed 4, time seemed to freeze for a few seconds. The ICU went completely silent for a few seconds and life was suspended for a few seconds. Then life took over very quickly and the beeps immediately got louder, more insistent, more urgent, the monitor’s lights were flashing red and the medical team was at the bedside in seconds. It did not matter who lay in the bed. When you meet death, face to face, you are not a label... you are precious life.

The labelling starts when you are only 9 or 10 years old; sometimes your classmates see in you something which is ‘not normal’, and you are labeled and you feel ashamed for being different. Most times it gets worse in high school. Sometimes, most times, the labels are purposely offensive and belittling (gay, freak, fag, retard, douche, homo, loser). Sometimes you get beaten up. 

Sometimes you tell a teacher or an adult, and you get told its only banter, you need to man-up. You try to suppress who you are and pretend to be someone else. Sometimes it works. Mostly it doesn’t. 

Sometimes you hate yourself. Most times you don’t know who you are anymore. 

You feel marginalised, isolated, depressed, ashamed, you suffer from low self-esteem. You feel hopeless. 

Sometimes you find someone who is like you. Sometimes this is good, sometimes this is bad. 

You miss school to escape the bullying. Sometimes you give up on school altogether. 

Sometimes you give up on life. Sometimes the suicide attempts are a consequence of the depression that is brought on by the bullying that is started by a label.

You push through, hoping it will get better when you are 18. Sometimes it gets better.

You come ‘out’, now the world knows your secret. Sometimes there is more shame, more labels; this time from parents, siblings and grandparents. Sometimes you find yourself all alone because your family does not want you to be a part of the family.

As an adult, you can be who you want, live how you want, love who you want.  Sometimes it’s not enough. Sometimes the shame follows you. The labels follow you.

Sometimes, most times, you are defined by your sexual identity, not by who you are. 

In the end, you are and always have been a precious life.

                                     **********************************

On UnCommon Ground is a Social Enterprise I started because of the frustration and helplessness I felt watching my son go through so much suffering during his teenage years. 

The labelling of anyone who is perceived to be different needs to be stopped. 

OnUCG's exists to support those whose lives have been affected by labelling, who are passionate about living life on their own terms and who are looking to change the status quo.

Facebook: www.facebook.com/OnUCG

Twitter:     @OnUCG

  

So this is it… what I learnt so far, when it comes to living your purpose in life.

I have had a long standing debate with a close friend on whether needing to live your purpose in life is 'our reason for being' (her) or if its just another 'new age feel good sentiment that is technically a cop out when you are not happy doing what you are doing' (me).

She was right and I was wrong.  James Altucher was right and I was wrong. Oprah was right and I was wrong.

So here goes, this is what I have learnt so far...

I learnt that your purpose in life finds you, you don’t find it.

I learnt that your life purpose cannot be planned or created. It happens when you least expect it and it happens naturally. 

I learnt that it starts with a small thought you had years ago, that stays in the back of your mind and that grows organically over the years.

And I learnt that life is deliberate and our reactions to life situations are usually the building blocks of your life purpose.

I learnt life can be so unfair, so hard, so unpredictable and some times life can be the sweetest and most satisfying experience you will ever have. 

And I learnt that finding your purpose in life will get you more of those sweet moments.

And I learnt that all the planning and preparation in the world is useless if you are not on your way to doing what you are meant to be doing.

And I learnt that people that you come to love and think are crucial to your life, quickly disappear when you get yourself on the road to where you need to be.

And I learnt that when you realise what it is that you need to be doing it is frightening and terrifying.

And I learnt that you when you find that purpose in life you develop a permanent ‘Christmas Eve’ kind of feeling.

And I learnt that you learn to live with the voices in your head constantly whispering (loudly), ‘what the f**k are you doing?'

And I learnt that the moment that you understand and accept what you need to do, it is also the moment you begin questioning your sanity.

And I learnt that a sure way to know you are on the right path is when doors are flung open for you and even thought you are afraid to find out what is on the other side of them, you can’t help but run through them.

And I learnt when it is not 100% about you, it is a scary realisation that you may somehow be responsible for people you have not yet met and may never meet. But that will be positively affected by your purpose in life.

And I learnt that having a purpose in life and living your purpose is not the same thing. Having a purpose is an abstract lovely feeling and living it is really hard work; it consumes you and penetrates every aspect of every minute of your life.

And I learnt that every day you will have a thousand and one reasons not to keep moving forward and it is paralysing; but still you find yourself taking a tiny step every day; you may not always move forward as sometimes you find you have gone backwards, and sometimes sideways but you do take a baby step or two.

And I learnt that when you are doing what you are meant to be doing success and failure doesn’t figure in the equation, making money is not the point even though you still stress about the bills.

And I learnt that you need to keep pushing yourself out of your own way because it’s so not about you.

And I learnt that you find strength where you thought there was none, you share knowledge that you did not know you possessed and you speak with such passion you even impress yourself.

I don’t know where this project will take me but if feels like I was born to do this and everything I have gone through and lived through so far...has led up to this moment. Stay tuned!