Is your son gay...

Because you wanted a daughter after having 3 sons?

Because he grew up without a father?

Because he is looking for attention?

I get asked these unsolicited and uncalled for questions quite a lot….and many times from people who should know better. And worse, they behave like they have resolved the issue of why my son is gay, simply by pointing them out.

Perhaps the problem lies with those asking the questions; they need to sort themselves out and not keep trying to fix something that is NOT broken. My son is not broken, he never was. Neither is being gay something that needs to be fixed.

It’s frightening that people still really believe…

– that being gay is a choice…it’s not. We are mid way through 2015, surely everyone should know that by now.

– that a mother can choose to make her son gay… seriously! a f**ked up statement on so many levels. No one can make anyone gay…no one. And no amount of smothering, over protectiveness, and definitely no amount of cooking, shopping and watching TV with his mum, will make a son gay. 

– that the absence of a father plays a significant part in someone being gay… please think before you put this one out there. The implication that he is gay because he looking for a father figure is not only ridiculous but does not even make any logical sense. Enough said.

– that being gay is an attention seeking tactic…do you honestly believe that being bullied, called horrible names on a daily basis and having to learn to stay strong and true to yourself in a hostile world, is the way anyone would go about getting attention?  

Social media allows anyone to tick off that box that says to the world…”yes I am a tolerant person who believes and supports everyone’s basic human right to live, regardless of their religious beliefs, sexual orientation, cultural background, gender or politics”. But there is no substance or conviction or belief behind that ticked box….in many cases, it is simply a ticked box.

The sad reality is that most of world remains a hugely intolerant, hostile and homophobic place…a place where it is ok to keep asking these kind of ignorant questions and trying to ‘fix the problem’.

But here’s the thing, it’s not ok.

It is condescending, patronising and demeaning. No one has the right to tell anyone how to live their life, who to love, who to marry, how to behave; no one has the right to question or judge anyone because they are different to what they perceive to be the norm; and no one has the right to be anyone’s moral compass. 

It’s time to change the story….

Why does breast-feeding in public get on people’s tits?

People can’t seem to mind their own business. On top of the hateful and wicked comments that were (and still are) spewed all over the Internet against same sex marriage, there are people out there who are criticising and complaining about mothers who breast-feed in public.  

This is what Zoe recently had to put up with...Her son Zak is 2 years old and he is breast-fed.  He is an active, healthy, happy little boy.  Like any other toddler, he is always very busy exploring his little world. So when he is hungry, he will take a few minutes out of his busy schedule to snuggle on to his mummy’s lap and feed. Because he instinctively follows his body’s natural cycle, he has several little feeds throughout the day.

Recently, Zoe and Zak spent a week holiday at the Collingwood Hotel in Bournemouth. One evening, in the hotel’s entertainment lounge, a female guest witnessed Zoe breast-feeding Zak. The woman complained to the hotel management. She claimed that her husband had to leave the room because allegedly Zoe had ‘allowed the child to pull down her dress resulting in the girl sitting opposite us with her breasts fully exposed for about an hour!’.

The hotel duty manager spoke to Zoe and asked her to be more discreet. Zoe was understandably upset and humiliated. She then met with the hotel owner and he told her that it was ok for her to breast feed Zak wherever and whenever she wanted.

Well done to the Collingwood Hotel owner for sticking up for Zoe and for breast-feeding mothers everywhere.

Last week that same guest wrote a review on Trip Advisor and this is what she said “We reported the incident and the duty manager did ask the girl to be more discreet however next day the girl complained to the owner and he told her she was entitled to breast feed in this manner wherever she pleased and so she did in front of everyone in the room every night for the rest of our stay”. 

She concluded by saying “It was unfortunate that this marred what otherwise would have been a most enjoyable holiday. We were not the only people offended by this and will not be returning unless the owner/manager shows courtesy to their elderly guests who would have otherwise enjoyed a pleasant evening”.

Is it necessary to make breast-feeding so ugly? How and where Zoe feeds Zak is her choice and is nobody’s business. And making such unkind comments that portray Zoe as some sort of exhibitionist is unacceptable. Further, implying that Zoe’s motive for breast-feeding is to display her breasts to everyone is demeaning and degrading.

As if Zoe's intention was to seduce the elderly male population in the Collingwood Hotel entertainment lounge. Zoe was simply feeding her baby.

Some people believe that a mother publicly breast-feeding her child is a breach of social decorum; it goes against their moral compass mainly because, I think, there is nudity (as in 'an exposed breast') involved. 

What I don’t understand is why there is this need to publicly humiliate and label a woman because of the way she chooses to feed their baby.

Always be kind, but if you can’t be kind,

Stop talking…

Picture:Virgin Mary breastfeeding the Christ child by Leonardo Da Vinci