3 Things I Discovered About Myself In 2013

1. I can love another child 

I thought and believed that I did not have the capacity to love another child like I love my boys – that unconditional, overwhelming love that can never be broken – that is, until Zak came along.

Zak was born on April 16th, 2013 and his birth automatically elevated my status to that of grandmother. I am still, 8 months later, slightly uncomfortable with the term and I know that I will have to deal with it as soon as he starts talking.

I watched Zak being born and then I held him a few minutes after he was born and in that short space of time, my heart expanded and made room for him; he now owns a huge part of my heart, just like my boys.

Being a grandmother is not what I expected at all, it is so much more ....mainly because neither Zak nor I have any expectations of each other; as grandmother and grandson our mission is to simply love each other; this makes our relationship relaxed and calm, with lots of cuddles, kisses and tickles.
My first 8 months as a grandmother have been an amazing and delightful experience. I am looking froward to lots more.

2. Losing the man that I loved all my life did not make me a stronger person  

but it did make me more appreciative of the now and being in the present. My father passed away on the 25th October, 2013 after a short battle with kidney cancer.

During the 3 months before his death, we spoke on the phone daily. When he was diagnosed in June, 2013 we talked about the options he had, either to have his kidney removed and accept the complications that were likely to follow or forgo the surgery and take pain killers.

My father, who was 80 years old, belonged to the generation that believed in suffering in silence and did not make a fuss about pain. He also did not believe in taking medicine, the strongest meds he was likely to take were aspirin.