tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67594310474201192872024-03-13T11:17:26.777-07:00Business (&Life) In High Heels
#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.comBlogger57125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-3632108171091931552015-10-14T00:09:00.001-07:002015-10-14T00:10:38.229-07:00Round and Round We Go… Because Choice Trumps Change, Every Time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jnKJheqnUTg/Vh3_lc71hHI/AAAAAAAAOJc/Nm1lw3C1C88/s1600/Fotolia_87466590_XS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="319" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jnKJheqnUTg/Vh3_lc71hHI/AAAAAAAAOJc/Nm1lw3C1C88/s320/Fotolia_87466590_XS.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Recently I was asked ‘If you had one opportunity to change one thing in the world, what would that one thing be?’ Many things, people and situations came to mind but I realised I was thinking in terms of elimination rather than change.</div>
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I find that change is very achievable on the physical level, like changing countries, changing homes, schools, jobs, partners; but changing how we think, how we feel about things is very difficult. Changing a mind-set, a belief is very hard and changing a social construct is damn near impossible.</div>
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Choice trumps change every time</h6>
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For example, everyone knows or they should be aware, that it is fundamentally wrong and unacceptable to judge someone based on their race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, socio-economic status, age, physical abilities, religious and political beliefs.</div>
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Millions of pounds have been spent on educating the universal population in diversity, equality and inclusivity. We all believe that the social construct has been changed and we now supposedly live in a more tolerant, more compassionate world. Yet, very recent statistics (yesterday in fact) show that hate crimes against the Jews and LBGT is on the rise. Again!</div>
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So not much changed there, despite the awareness programmes, the education and the laws that are in place to reflect the changes society has agreed to. And the reason the hate crimes against Jews and LBGT are on the rise? because it is what people choose to do despite the belief that we as a society and individually have changed our mind set and the social construct.</div>
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It seems that every time the world is in crisis (which is practically all the time, lately), the hate crimes against these two populations rises. It is a case where choice trumps change; because ultimately, it is the choices we make, consciously and subconsciously, individually, as a society and as a community, that matter.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #111111; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 20.8px; line-height: 31.2px; margin-bottom: 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-size: 2.2rem; font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold; line-height: 2; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">But there is one thing we cannot change and we have no choice in</span></div>
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We are <u style="box-sizing: border-box;">all </u>facing the same identical exit, no exception…<span style="font-size: 20.8px; line-height: 31.2px;">All of us – regardless of who or what we are, what we believe in, what we fight for – we will all get old, our bodies and minds will slow down and then we will die. Every single one of us.</span></div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20.8px; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">That time, between the first breath we all must take to start life to the last time we exhale, is a reflection of the choices we make every single day. </strong></div>
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#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-52604944919818305612015-09-01T09:28:00.002-07:002015-10-14T00:36:24.755-07:00Is your son gay...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0iv51rhqevA/VeXRPKli_iI/AAAAAAAAOGI/aZvjjAvIi2c/s1600/Fotolia_25376354_XS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0iv51rhqevA/VeXRPKli_iI/AAAAAAAAOGI/aZvjjAvIi2c/s640/Fotolia_25376354_XS.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Because you wanted a daughter after having 3 sons?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Because he grew up without a father?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Because he is looking for attention?</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #111111; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; line-height: 31.2000007629395px; margin-bottom: 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I get asked these <span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">unsolicited and uncalled</span> for questions quite a lot….and many times from people who should know better. And worse, they behave like they have resolved the issue of why my son is gay, simply by pointing them out.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #111111; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; line-height: 31.2000007629395px; margin-bottom: 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Perhaps the problem lies with those asking the questions; they need to sort themselves out and not keep trying to fix something that is NOT broken. My son is not broken, he never was. Neither is being gay something that needs to be fixed.</span></div>
<h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #111111; font-family: Hind, sans-serif; font-size: 4.8rem; line-height: 0.91667; margin: 0px 0px 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-size: 54px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">It’s frightening that people still really believe…</span></h3>
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<span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">– that being gay is a choice…</strong>it’s not. We are mid way through 2015, surely everyone should know that by now.</span></div>
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<span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">– that a mother can choose to make her son gay</strong>… seriously! a f**ked up statement on so many levels. No one can make anyone gay…no one. And no amount of smothering, over protectiveness, and definitely no amount of cooking, shopping and watching TV with his mum, will make a son gay. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #111111; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; line-height: 31.2000007629395px; margin-bottom: 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">– that the absence of a father plays a significant part in someone being gay…</strong> please think before you put this one out there. The implication that he is gay because he looking for a father figure is not only ridiculous but does not even make any logical sense. Enough said.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #111111; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; line-height: 31.2000007629395px; margin-bottom: 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">– <strong style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">that being gay is an attention seeking tactic</strong>…do you honestly believe that being bullied, called horrible names on a daily basis and having to learn to stay strong and true to yourself in a hostile world, is the way anyone would go about getting attention? </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #111111; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; line-height: 31.2000007629395px; margin-bottom: 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Social media allows anyone to tick off that box that says to the world…”yes I am a tolerant person who believes and supports everyone’s basic human right to live, regardless of their religious beliefs, sexual orientation, cultural background, gender or politics”. But there is no substance or conviction or belief behind that ticked box….in many cases, it is simply a ticked box.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #111111; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; line-height: 31.2000007629395px; margin-bottom: 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The sad reality is that most of world remains a hugely intolerant, hostile and homophobic place…a place where it is ok to keep asking these kind of ignorant questions and trying to ‘fix the problem’.</span></div>
<h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #111111; font-family: Hind, sans-serif; font-size: 4.8rem; line-height: 0.91667; margin: 0px 0px 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-size: 54px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">But here’s the thing, it’s not ok.</span></h3>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #111111; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; line-height: 31.2000007629395px; margin-bottom: 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20.7999992370605px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">It is condescending, patronising and demeaning. No one has the right to tell anyone how to live their life, who to love, who to marry, how to behave; no one has the right to question or judge anyone because they are different to what they perceive to be the norm; and no one has the right to be anyone’s moral compass. </span></div>
<h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #111111; font-family: Hind, sans-serif; font-size: 4.8rem; line-height: 0.91667; margin: 0px 0px 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: grey; font-family: inherit; font-size: 54px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">It’s time to change the story….</span></h3>
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#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-58553146789013486942015-07-20T06:53:00.000-07:002015-07-20T06:56:05.459-07:00Positivity – a side effect of watching the RuPaul Drag Race series <div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qq-CCecHbNA/Vaz1E7CVDqI/AAAAAAAANpE/W7O7mI-WxB0/s1600/rupauls-5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qq-CCecHbNA/Vaz1E7CVDqI/AAAAAAAANpE/W7O7mI-WxB0/s200/rupauls-5.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial;">RuPaul is the mentor, the host, the singer and the judge of Drag Race, a
reality show that follows 15 (sometimes more) drag queens as they compete to
become America’s Next Drag Superstar.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">If, like me you have been unaware of this show and if, also like me, you
thought it had something to do with car racing, then perhaps like me you ended
up checking it out one night on Netflix and got completely captivated and
riveted to the series. I ended up spending 2 consecutive weekends binging on
seasons 1 though 6. Yes, it is that good. Why? I don’t know why it is so good
but sometimes, shows like this one defy standard reasoning. One thing that I
did find is that watching RuPaul’s Drag Race will definitely put you in a good mood and
you also tend to get very positive about life in general.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">The show is very entertaining with the dramas, challenges, meltdowns and
breakdowns, triumphs and failures, tears and laughs, and seriously impressive
make up skills. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SR_0i6ZQiuA/Vaz5KTskChI/AAAAAAAANpQ/nv4X0kDHGI4/s1600/rupaul-drag-race.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="108" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SR_0i6ZQiuA/Vaz5KTskChI/AAAAAAAANpQ/nv4X0kDHGI4/s200/rupaul-drag-race.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I think the fact that RuPaul does not take himself or life so seriously
is what makes the show so uplifting. I like that he is not hung up about
pronouns, and I love that he also sings even though he is not the best at it; that
he has the ability to transform himself into an amazingly beautiful woman with
a personality to match. Also, he has so many products he sells, I am sure he
finds it hard to keep up with them all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
only more people were like him: happy with who and what they are, can find the
humour in life, don’t take themselves seriously and are always kind and authentic.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Then he sprouts those catch phrases and quotes that </span><span style="background: white; font-family: Arial;">are a breath of fresh air, compared to the wishy-washy, new
age and politically correct quotes that are so popular on social media</span><span style="font-family: Arial;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Although, they do get stuck in</span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">your head. Forever. </span><span style="background: white; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: Arial;">So<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“can I
get an amen in here” to 7 of RuPaul’s best…</span></div>
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<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">When you become the image of your own imagination, it's
the most powerful thing you could ever do."</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">My goal is to always come from a place of love ...but
sometimes you just have to break it down for a motherfucker</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial;">All sins are forgiven once you
start making a lot of money.</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial;">When the going gets tough, the tough reinvent. </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial;">Remember to love yourself,
because if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody
else?</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial;">Can I get an amen in here?</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial;">You are born naked, the rest is drag. </span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-80880103531225353452015-07-10T11:49:00.001-07:002015-07-10T11:50:08.043-07:00Why does breast-feeding in public get on people’s tits?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JSbgYf-KDXA/VaAIs8Mo6WI/AAAAAAAANms/EATvzelUdPM/s1600/Leonardo-da-Vinci-Madonna-breastfeeding-child-painting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JSbgYf-KDXA/VaAIs8Mo6WI/AAAAAAAANms/EATvzelUdPM/s200/Leonardo-da-Vinci-Madonna-breastfeeding-child-painting.jpg" width="150" /></a>
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<h3>
<span style="font-weight: normal;">People can’t seem to mind their own business. On top of the hateful and wicked comments that were (and still are) spewed all over the Internet against same sex marriage, there are people out there who are criticising and complaining about mothers who breast-feed in public.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This is what Zoe recently had to put up with...Her son Zak
is 2 years old and he is breast-fed. He
is an active, healthy, happy little boy.
Like any other toddler, he is always very busy exploring his little
world. So when he is hungry, he will take a few minutes out of his busy
schedule to snuggle on to his mummy’s lap and feed. Because he instinctively follows
his body’s natural cycle, he has several little feeds throughout the day.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Recently,
Zoe and Zak spent a week holiday at the <a href="http://www.hotel-collingwood.co.uk/" target="_blank">Collingwood Hotel</a> in Bournemouth.
One evening, in the hotel’s entertainment lounge, a female guest witnessed Zoe breast-feeding
Zak. The woman complained to the hotel management. She
claimed that her husband had to leave the room because allegedly Zoe had <i>‘</i><i><span style="background: white; color: #4a4a4a;">allowed the child to
pull down her dress resulting in the girl sitting opposite us with her breasts
fully exposed for about an hour!’.</span></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The
hotel duty manager spoke to Zoe and asked her to be more discreet. Zoe was understandably
upset and humiliated. She then met with the hotel owner and he told her that it was ok for her to
breast feed Zak wherever and whenever she wanted. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #444444;">Well done to the <a href="http://www.hotel-collingwood.co.uk/" target="_blank">Collingwood Hotel</a> owner for sticking up for Zoe and for breast-feeding mothers everywhere.</span></span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Last
week that same guest wrote a review on <a href="http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/ShowUserReviews-g186262-d193335-r284770094-Hotel_Collingwood-Bournemouth_Dorset_England.html#CHECK_RATES_CONT" target="_blank">Trip Advisor</a> and this is what she said <i>“</i><i><span style="background: white; color: #4a4a4a;">We reported the
incident and the duty manager did ask the girl to be more discreet however next
day the girl complained to the owner and he told her she was entitled to breast
feed in this manner wherever she pleased and so she did in front of everyone in
the room every night for the rest of our stay”. </span></i><span style="background: white; color: #4a4a4a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="background: white;">She concluded by
saying</span><span style="background: white; color: #4a4a4a;"> <i>“It was unfortunate that this
marred what otherwise would have been a most enjoyable holiday. We were not the
only people offended by this and will not be returning unless the owner/manager
shows courtesy to their elderly guests who would have otherwise enjoyed a
pleasant evening”.</i></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Is
it necessary to make breast-feeding so ugly? How and where Zoe feeds Zak is her choice and is nobody’s business. And making such unkind
comments that portray Zoe as some sort of exhibitionist </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">is unacceptable. Further, i</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">mplying that Zoe’s
motive for breast-feeding is to display her breasts to everyone is demeaning and degrading.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As if Zoe's intention was to seduce the elderly male population in the Collingwood Hotel entertainment
lounge. Zoe was simply feeding her baby.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Some
people believe that a mother publicly breast-feeding her child is a breach of
social decorum; it goes against their moral compass mainly because, I think,
there is nudity (as in 'an exposed breast') involved. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What I don’t understand is why there
is this need to publicly humiliate and label a woman because of the way she
chooses to feed their baby.</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Always be kind, but if you can’t be kind, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;">Stop talking…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Picture:</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20.3890914916992px;">Virgin Mary </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #6a6a6a; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20.3890914916992px;">breastfeeding</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20.3890914916992px;"> the Christ child by Leonardo Da Vinci</span></span></div>
#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-76140339651969452292015-06-26T07:42:00.000-07:002015-07-28T11:33:18.745-07:00There are no labels in ICU… <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wvST_BQ6SEI/VY1aYE0btmI/AAAAAAAANZw/yJITgPMNqtA/s1600/Fotolia_62347076_S.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wvST_BQ6SEI/VY1aYE0btmI/AAAAAAAANZw/yJITgPMNqtA/s320/Fotolia_62347076_S.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Before my father passed away he spent some time in the Intensive Care
Unit. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He was assigned Bed 2 of the 5 beds that were arranged in a semi circle.
The other four beds were occupied but it was impossible
to know who lay under the blankets their faces covered by oxygen masks – and it
really did not matter if they were male, female, black, white, beautiful, ugly,
old, young, gay, straight, trans, bi, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim or Jewish. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For the most part, all 5 lay very still, the only sign of life came from
the constant beeping of the monitors. The night that death came for Bed 4, time seemed to freeze for a few
seconds. The ICU went completely silent for a few seconds and life was
suspended for a few seconds. Then life took over very quickly and the beeps immediately
got louder, more insistent, more urgent, the monitor’s lights were flashing red
and the medical team was at the bedside in seconds. It did not matter who lay
in the bed. When you meet death, face to face, you are not a label... you are
precious life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="background: white;">The labelling starts when you are only 9 or 10 years old; sometimes your classmates
see in you something which is ‘not normal’, and you are labeled and you feel
ashamed for being different. Most times it gets worse in high school. Sometimes,
most times, the </span><span style="background: white;">labels are purposely offensive and belittling (gay, freak, fag, retard, douche, homo,
loser). Sometimes you get beaten up. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes you tell a teacher or an adult,
and you get told its only banter, you need to man-up. You try to
suppress who you are and pretend to be someone else. Sometimes it works. Mostly
it doesn’t. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes you hate yourself. Most times you don’t know who you are
anymore. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><span style="background: white;"></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8PHqb5YeLujizb8yh_eYpeRXJcwqrO6kGjUk5YNGtklgCLmGoPlMdju9_8T4Av4z1hT0bgpL02HXDb8daSJ_Ybi4eimIiGB-2bS_I_T3MY99tg1x1X-TvGLIxs7kIPMQ8tcmDYEb5Rw0/s1600/stunningmesh-sad38.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="125" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8PHqb5YeLujizb8yh_eYpeRXJcwqrO6kGjUk5YNGtklgCLmGoPlMdju9_8T4Av4z1hT0bgpL02HXDb8daSJ_Ybi4eimIiGB-2bS_I_T3MY99tg1x1X-TvGLIxs7kIPMQ8tcmDYEb5Rw0/s200/stunningmesh-sad38.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You feel marginalised, isolated, depressed, ashamed, you suffer
from low self-esteem. You feel hopeless. </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes you find someone
who is like you. Sometimes this is good, sometimes this is bad. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You miss school
to escape the bullying. Sometimes you give up on school altogether. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background: white;">Sometimes you
give up on life. </span><span style="background-color: white;">Sometimes the suicide attempts are a consequence of the depression that is brought on by the bullying that is started by a labe</span><span style="color: #767676;">l.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You push through, hoping it will
get better when you are 18. Sometimes it gets better. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You come ‘out’, now the
world knows your secret. Sometimes there is more shame, more labels; this time from
parents, siblings and grandparents. Sometimes you find yourself all alone
because your family does not want you to be a part of the family. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As an adult, you can be who
you want, live how you want, love who you want. Sometimes it’s not enough. Sometimes the
shame follows you. The labels follow you. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes, most times, you
are defined by your sexual identity, not by who you are. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">In the end, </span>you are and always have been a precious life.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="background: white; color: #767676;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> **********************************</span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj01tM2lksEOvgqzObKnw93n0AIfAsYC3Dw9zVD9_3d6xhGjZnpcy_rV3Mu2sYUKbcfGV0DVzVTMZgIaIUidaMkceAwhq_TUrEBkwn8jEwYygRMtzm96iZ3-EjdGah_EO35MWO8gFO9SUg/s1600/OuCG1.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj01tM2lksEOvgqzObKnw93n0AIfAsYC3Dw9zVD9_3d6xhGjZnpcy_rV3Mu2sYUKbcfGV0DVzVTMZgIaIUidaMkceAwhq_TUrEBkwn8jEwYygRMtzm96iZ3-EjdGah_EO35MWO8gFO9SUg/s200/OuCG1.png" width="200" /></a></div>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On UnCommon Ground is a Social Enterprise I started because of the frustration and helplessness I felt watching my son go through so much suffering during his teenage years. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The labelling of anyone who is perceived to be different needs to be stopped. </b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">OnUCG's exists to
support those whose lives have been affected by labelling, who are passionate
about living life on their own terms and who are looking to change the status
quo.</span></div>
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#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-21166892246628339772015-06-24T06:06:00.000-07:002015-06-24T06:07:49.528-07:00Living your purpose in life comes with steep learning curves...<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin-bottom: 32px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
In the wake of doing that <em style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">‘something’</em> I am passionate about and <em style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">'living my life purpose'</em>, I find that there are times when I need to take a deep breath, and some days, I need many of those deep breaths. I need to stop and assess where I am, where I am going. Interestingly, I never need to assess the why? That’s an unmovable constant.</div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin-bottom: 32px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br />
The last eight weeks have been amazing but also a huge learning curve...</div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin-bottom: 32px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></strong>
<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">THE DETAILS, THE DETAILS…</strong>.I know that while I am very capable of hitting the ground running with all the passion, enthusiasm and discipline of an Olympic athlete, I am equally capable of neglecting the smaller details. Those small mundane ones, that over time can and will come back to haunt me. And as everyone who has started a business, charity or project knows, the devil is in those details. </div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin-bottom: 32px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></strong>
<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">LETTING GO…</strong> that’s a big challenge for me but a necessary skill I must acquire and excel at if this project is to succeed. So I am on it and learning every day to let go of certain expectations, disappointments, setbacks and even people.</div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin-bottom: 32px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></strong>
<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">THE COMFORT ZONE... </strong>now this one is<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </strong>a mixed bag. The Comfort Zone is called that for a good reason – being in my comfort zone I produce great work, have amazing ideas, I talk the talk. Then I step outside the zone, even just a few millimetres and sometimes its like being on the front line….incoming missiles are raining down on me from all sides (in the form of those voices in my head). <br />
<br />
So I came up with a strategy. <strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I</strong><strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">nstead of stepping outside of my comfort zone, I now push the parameters of my comfort zone further out, a millimetre at a time. It’s working and eventually my comfort zone will be a huge region.</em></strong><br />
<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></em></strong></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin-bottom: 32px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT...</strong> when some people tell me the project won’t work but don’t really tell me the reason why not. I am willing to listen to constructive criticisms but just saying “well that won’t work” and then leaving the statement floating in the air, pisses me off (and I quote) “Ain’t nobody got time for that”. But I am working on recognising the difference between those people who are just making noise and those who actually have a point to make.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin-bottom: 32px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">TRUSTING MY INTUITION... </strong>This weekend someone told me ‘that I need to trust my intuition, listen to what my gut is telling me’. One area where this intuition thingy comes into play is ‘time and money’ - I do need heaps more of both and I feel panicked at odd moments of the day and night. Yet, I know it will be resolved, I don’t know how or when but it will and I just need to keep moving forward.</div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin-bottom: 32px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
That statement right there terrifies me but I am guessing that learning to trust my intuition also means overriding the negatives and the rational and replacing them with the certainty that all will work out as it should.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin-bottom: 32px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Countering all of this is the 'effortless and the happening naturally' of the project- the flinging open of doors, the support I receive every day from people I know and those I don’t, the wonderful people I am meeting, the happiness and calmness I feel when I talk and work on the project and best of all, the feeling of pure joy when the project connects with the people it is intended to for.</div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin-bottom: 32px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-11114306677796367062015-05-27T23:06:00.001-07:002015-05-27T23:19:01.996-07:00So this is it… what I learnt so far, when it comes to living your purpose in life.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QsVRCrAyTb4/VWavoyVqgdI/AAAAAAAANMY/6xikiGubrLc/s1600/Fotolia_78328016_XS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QsVRCrAyTb4/VWavoyVqgdI/AAAAAAAANMY/6xikiGubrLc/s320/Fotolia_78328016_XS.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have had a long standing debate with a close friend on
whether needing to live your purpose in life is 'our reason for being' (her) or
if its just another 'new age feel good sentiment that is technically a cop out
when you are not happy doing what you are doing' (me).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She was right and I was wrong. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>James Altucher was right and I was wrong.
Oprah was right and I was wrong.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">So here goes, this is what I have learnt so far...</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I learnt that your purpose in life finds you, you don’t find
it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I learnt that your life purpose cannot be planned or created. It happens
when you least expect it and it happens naturally. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I learnt that it starts with a small
thought you had years ago, that stays in the back of your mind and that grows organically over the years.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I learnt that life is deliberate and our reactions to
life situations are usually the building blocks of your life purpose.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I learnt life can be so unfair, so hard, so unpredictable
and some times life can be the sweetest and most satisfying experience you will
ever have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I learnt that finding your purpose in life will get you
more of those sweet moments. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I learnt that all the planning and preparation in the
world is useless if you are not on your way to doing what you are meant to be
doing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I learnt that people that you come to love and think are
crucial to your life, quickly disappear when you get yourself on the road to
where you need to be.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I learnt that when you realise what it is that you need
to be doing it is frightening and terrifying. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I learnt that you when you find that purpose in life you
develop a permanent ‘Christmas Eve’ kind of feeling.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I learnt that you learn to live with the voices in your
head constantly whispering (loudly), ‘what the f**k are you doing?'<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I learnt that the moment that you understand and accept what you
need to do, it is also the moment you begin questioning your sanity.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I learnt that a sure way to know you are on the right
path is when doors are flung open for you and even thought you are afraid to
find out what is on the other side of them, you can’t help but run through them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I learnt when it is not 100% about you, it is a scary
realisation that you may somehow be responsible for people you have not yet met
and may never meet. But that will be positively affected by your purpose in
life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I learnt that having a purpose in life and living your
purpose is not the same thing. Having a purpose is an abstract lovely feeling
and living it is really hard work; it consumes you and penetrates every aspect
of every minute of your life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I learnt that every day you will have a thousand and one
reasons not to keep moving forward and it is paralysing; but still you find
yourself taking a tiny step every day; you may not always move forward as sometimes
you find you have gone backwards, and sometimes sideways but you do take a baby
step or two. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I learnt that when you are doing what you are meant to
be doing success and failure doesn’t figure in the equation, making money is
not the point even though you still stress about the bills.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I learnt that you need to keep pushing yourself out of
your own way because it’s so not about you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I learnt that you find strength where you thought there
was none, you share knowledge that you did not know you possessed and you speak with
such passion you even impress yourself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t know where this project will take me but if feels
like I was born to do this and everything I have gone through and lived through so far...has led up to this moment. Stay
tuned! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-15693080668776274222015-05-19T02:37:00.000-07:002015-05-25T00:39:23.243-07:00Reality Check...On Social Media Platforms<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-shm6fgn5xAU/VVr-AlRFWPI/AAAAAAAANDQ/y5zMF0ENpzs/s1600/Fotolia_70162071_S.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="206" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-shm6fgn5xAU/VVr-AlRFWPI/AAAAAAAANDQ/y5zMF0ENpzs/s320/Fotolia_70162071_S.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t quite get what social media is all about. There I
have said it. It feels a bit like the 'emperor’s new clothes syndrome', everyone
is doing it but no one really understands why they do it or what the point of
it is. Or perhaps they do and it’s just me who does not get it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here is the thing, for example on my Facebook there are at
least 35 people who daily promote themselves and their business/product
/service. They religiously write daily status updates, post pictures and videos
where they tell you how to live your life, change your life, be awesome. I realised that this is usually the build up to
the book they are about to launch or the event (workshop, webinar, course) they
want you to attend. Which is all well and good but<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> i</span>s that what social
media is really all about? Is it simply a space for self-promotion along with the blatant
marketing of products and services to a semi captive and somewhat vulnerable
audience? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I used to read every single status update as I felt that if
someone made the effort to write it, it deserved to be read. Honestly, it made
my head spin as there was so much, all the time. It was extremely time
consuming. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then I found out that I could choose which posts I wanted to
see simply by going to settings and eliminating those posts I did not want to
see. (Now that brings out the Simon Cowell in all of us). But it’s also kind of
cowardly as the person posting is not aware that you are no longer interested in seeing their
posts. C’est la vie! Of course its not just Facebook, it’s the same story with
Instagram, Twitter (where instead of likes you have followers who validate you),
LinkedIn and all the social media platforms out there.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So what is the point of social media? Why has it become a
lifestyle for so many? Like so much about the Internet there seems to be the
good, the bad and the ugly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The good of social media platforms is that is does connect
people. Also there are posts that do have gravitas and bring awareness to
social issues, as in Jimmy Thornton’s posts about the struggles and triumphs of
the LBGT community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or Debbie Zarb
Cousin who posts about the cruelty that animals needlessly endure and the appalling
conditions they are raised in. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Both Debbie and Jimmy post from a place of
authenticity and passion, their posts are not scripted, they don’t post for personal gain or to earn popularity points but for the greater good. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The bad is that because of social media we are living in a “Facebook
Happy” social construct where our children must be smart, brilliant and
adorable, where everyone must be gorgeous and successful, where all businesses
grow magically to unprecedented heights, careers flourish and where everyone’s
life must be amazing and full of endless parties, fancy dinners, holidays,
shopping sprees and if its not, then don’t bother posting. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No one is
interested. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe that’s because when it comes to real life we are all on an
even playing field (everyone has some serious crap going on in their lives) and
as my grandmother used to say ‘ we all have a cross to bear”. Maybe we don’t
really want to hear about someone else’s struggles or pain as that will force
us to acknowledge that the real world is far from Facebook Happy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The ugly is that there is an enormous amount of
self-promotion going on, which is ok really but to what end? It also allows
anonymity that can led to a certain type of meanness that blocks, unfriend,
unfollows people without their knowledge. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know that social media is here to stay. After all it’s convenient,
it gives us fleeting moments of recognition and it’s free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It checks off a lot of the boxes we need to
satisfy our social needs without having to actually physically interact with
people and it drip feeds the feel good factor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So it keeps you going back for more. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It will be interesting to see how far social media will push the social boundaries envelope. Also, at which point in the game will we become conscious and get what it is really all about.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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For example, a casual remark on the Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino led to this
random dialogue on labels… via Beyoncé, gays, equality (or lack of), hate
crimes and Oprah. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Towards the end of the article, Silva Neves, a good friend
and a <span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">psychotherapist
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<span style="color: #ff6600; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 26.0pt;"> </span><span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 26.0pt;">Labels Are For Jars</span></div>
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Setting</span>…</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">long drive to Essex to see family with The Boy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Stop at Starbucks to pick up coffee… Carmel Frappuccinos.<br />Driving on the A20. Beyoncé plays in the background. Sipping the coffee or rather the frappucino.<br />And then the remark that triggered this random dialogue… “Starbucks makes good coffee. But why do they need to give coffee such fancy names? Coffee is just coffee, isn’t it?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Which leads to</span>…</span>i</span>t'<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">s funny how we tend to emphasise that which makes people different. You mean like Beyoncé is referred to as a “Black singer/performer versus a singer/performer’</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Or “ a Muslim terrorist versus terrorist”</span><br />
Or "a gay marriage versus a marriage”<br />
Or “ women owned business versus a business”<br />
Or “a gay man versus a man”</div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Which leads to</span> …</span>how many people go round introducing himself or herself by their sexual identity and gender as in “Hi, I am a white heterosexual man or woman”? How many times have you heard Madonna or Katy Perry being referred to as white singers/performers? Never! And why is it ok to say ‘women owned business’ or ‘minority owned business’ but we never say a male owned business or a white owed business?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #cc0000; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Which leads to…</span><span style="color: #7f7f7f; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-themecolor: text1; mso-themetint: 128;"> <o:p></o:p></span>the media who perpetuate this practice (or began it) since every report in the paper will highlight that the person involved is gay, Black, Asian, Muslim, Jewish, disabled, and will also refer to their age, race and socio economic status. However they rarely, if ever, mention that the person is a white male, middle class, heterosexual and Christian.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Which leads to…</span><span style="color: #7f7f7f; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-themecolor: text1; mso-themetint: 128;"> </span></span>the sham that is equality, that mainstay of our society, that word that is casually thrown around by anyone who wants to be seen as politically correct and that word that strikes fear into HR departments and politicians.<br />Equality = acceptance, yet as a rule we do not accept that which is not our “norm”. Mentally (subconsciously or not) we refuse to unconditionally accept that which does not accurately reflect or represent us and our beliefs, our values, our sexual orientation, our religion and our culture.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #cc0000; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Which leads to…</span><span style="color: #7f7f7f; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-themecolor: text1; mso-themetint: 128;"> <o:p></o:p></span>hate crimes. In an age where equality and tolerance is on everyone’s agenda, hate crimes are on the rise. Now that’s ironic. In 2014, the statistics are staggering with over 80,000 hate crimes being committed against race, sexual orientation, disability and religion. The Deputy Mayor for Policing and Crime (London) Stephen Greenlaigh sums up why hate crimes happen, <a href="http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/london-deputy-mayor-unveils-plans-tackle-rise-hate-crime041214">“However far too often people become targets of hate crimes simply because of who they are or what they look like”.</a> Seriously? Simply because people look or act different they should expect to be beaten up, vilified, marginalised and bullied. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">Which leads to…</span><span style="color: #ff8000; font-weight: bold;"> </span></span>being authentic. Oprah preaches that everyone needs to be their authentic self. If only we lived in a perfect world, Oprah! Well, it paid off for her, as evidenced in her now famous quote “I had no idea that being your authentic self could make me as rich as I've become. If I had, I'd have done it a lot earlier”. However for many, the journey to their authentic self is filled with obstacles, heartbreak, despair, suffering and they may never arrive.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #cc0000; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Which leads to…</span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #7f7f7f; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-themecolor: text1; mso-themetint: 128;"> </span></b>“I don’t like saying I am gay because the minute I do, something shifts, sometimes it is only a very very tiny shift but a shift nonetheless. And from that moment on I am labelled. My sexual preference defines me and who I am and what I do.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="height: 52px; margin-left: 390px; margin-top: 22px; mso-ignore: vglayout; position: absolute; width: 49px; z-index: 251661309;"></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Which leads to…</span></span>“Why do I have to be defined by the labels society feels it needs to give me? Labels that they (society) made up and that they use to define who I am and what I am. I know who I am, I don’t need a label”.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #cc0000; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Which leads to…</span> “ Labels are for jars. People are not jars. I don’t need a label”.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Which leads us back to that random beginning..</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">”Starbucks does have good coffee”. Agreed!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #cc0000; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Silva’s insight to the conversation…</span><i> <span style="color: #7f7f7f; mso-themecolor: text1; mso-themetint: 128;">“</span>I get that, in a perfect world, labels are only for jars. I also agree that in our world today, equality is a sham. And true equality would make the world a better place.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>However, the psychology of human beings is quite different. From our very first moment in this world we discriminate. A baby discriminates between the voices of his/her mother to those of strangers. The baby will decide whom to smile to and whom to scream at, based on what is familiar to him/her. Why? For survival!</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Human beings are wired to survive. Although mostly unconscious, the survival instinct, present from birth, is one of the most primal inbuilt mechanisms in our brain.<br />We, as human beings, like what is familiar and fear what is not.<br />We like what looks like us and fear what looks different from us.<br />So, putting labels on things, and people, make us feel safe.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>‘This person looks very different to me, wearing strange clothes and eating unknown food. But it is OK, because this person is Black African and therefore I feel safe because I know what it is that is different, and I don’t feel threatened’.<br /><br />Labelling a Muslim terrorist makes us feel safe because we can dissociate from it, and say: ‘it is them, not me’.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Labelling a gay man makes the heterosexual population feel safe. ‘They are different, but it is ok, we know why, they are gay, so I’m safe, I don’t have to question myself.’</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><br />Also, if we want to be very particular, one can argue that a Starbucks coffee is not just coffee, it is coffee that has the particular flavour of Starbucks. When we say ‘Starbucks coffee’ we know we will not get Costa coffee.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>A gay person needs to have the survival instinct switched on because of so much homophobia that still exists. Whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not, a gay person continuously picks up messages about the world around them in order to evaluate what/ where is safe or not.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Currently there are so many subtle and not so subtle messages coming from Muslim and Christian communities wanting gay people dead. Based on those messages, a gay person’s survival instinct will be discriminatory…for the sake of safety. Therefore, subconsciously, it will require getting to know a Christian/Muslim person before fully trusting them. This is not the case if a gay man meets another gay man in Old Compton Street (sameness = safety).</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Society feels the need to label people because, although labelling can and does have a lot of negative consequences, it also has one major advantage: safety. And the need for safety outweighs the need to be equal.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>I also dream of a world where labels are just for jars. And because I am optimistic, I would like to believe it is possible. I think that the way we can achieve this as society is by education and experience.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>If we all allowed ourselves to experience the world of others that are not like us, perhaps in time, we can re-wire our brain and reduce our inbuilt mechanism of safeguarding.</i></span><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But there is a long way to go. Most groups stick together in area clusters, not engaging with the rest of society. I have met many Muslim people who have never left Tower Hamlets.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have met many gay people who refuse to step beyond Soho. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We don’t mix enough. The multi-cultural society is also a sham. We are </span><u style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">not</u><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> mutli-cultural. We live side by side but we don’t really interact, engage and talk to each other enough.</span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Of course, I am not saying that everybody stays in clusters. There are many people who do mix comfortably with other cultures. But, in my opinion, there is not enough of us doing so.<br />And there is also too many groups that promote the death of others. </span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Unfortunately, these groups do have a loud voice. Some hide behind religious ideas, as seen repeatedly in the case of homophobes. <br />When there is a step forward in equality, such as gay marriage, there is a big increase in those voices, trying to fight it, which, in turn, increases our inbuilt safeguarding mechanism, instead of reducing it.</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Change, however, always starts with conversations such as this one, between The Boy and his mother. The cynical part of me does not believe that I will live long enough to see a world where ‘coming out’ is not necessary anymore, with true equality and acceptance of all, as one human race. But the hopeful part of me wishes that The Boy (who is much younger than me) will see that world in his lifetime”.</i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "verdana"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; text-align: center;">** Silva Neves is a qualified psychosexual, relationship and couple's therapist. He specialises in working with couples and individuals who experience difficulties in their intimate relationships and sexuality.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: blue; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 22pt;"> </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial";">How do you feel about labels?</span><span style="color: #7f7f7f; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-themecolor: text1; mso-themetint: 128;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial";">Share your random thoughts, you never know
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#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-20563444272841348622015-04-21T10:39:00.001-07:002015-04-21T10:40:43.523-07:00Are you beach body ready ? I don't think so....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="s1">Since the beginning of April, I get to see this ad every day as I walk towards the exit of the Oxford Circus Underground. I have 4 reactions to the question ‘Are you beach body ready? Different days, different reactions. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">1. Some days I walk past the ad (very) slowly and I study it. Even though it’s only April and the chances of me hitting a sandy beach this summer is extremely unlikely, I do feel a bit of motivation (sort of) to lose weight. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">2. Then there are days when I want to spray graffiti all over the stupid ad or even better tear it down and stamp on it. I hate it. It makes me feel old. And fat. Do I need to be reminded at 8.30 am every morning that I am never ever going to have a body like that, ever. (well maybe if I had some serious plastic surgery, but even then…). So I mouth f**k off and I curse the copywriter who thought it was good copy to create ‘Are you beach body ready?’ and the advertiser who stuck it on a six foot billboard where I get to see it every single morning. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">3.Then there are days when I go into feminist mode and mentally rage against all those advertisers who are so blatantly sexist and who make ads that make so many of us feel unworthy and shame us (through 6 foot billboards) because we do not have the perfect body (or what this world we live in considers a perfect body) to sit on a beach. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">4. For the last few days, I have barely noticed it. Perhaps seeing it every day has diminished it to the irrelevant, inappropriate and unacceptable crap it actually is.</span></div>
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#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-24963205215840908622014-11-21T04:36:00.000-08:002015-05-25T02:51:12.675-07:00A Cradle Made Of Silk -short story<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
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<w:wrap type="through">
</w:wrap></v:imagedata></v:shape><span style="color: #595959; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-themecolor: text1; mso-themetint: 166;">The
scorching Maltese sun was directly overhead. There was no shade to be found
anywhere along the deserted dusty road. The incessant droning of the cicadas
shattered the aberrant silence. Kelina slowed her steps almost to a standstill
as she mechanically shifted her sleeping son from her right hip to the left one. The boy stirred in her arms. </span><!--EndFragment--><br />
<span style="color: #595959; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-themecolor: text1; mso-themetint: 166;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #595959; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-themecolor: text1; mso-themetint: 166;">Continue reading...</span><br />
<a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_PlmCKsYd7DQTZBdzZKajRXUVU/view?usp=sharing" target="_blank">https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_PlmCKsYd7DQTZBdzZKajRXUVU/view?usp=sharing</a><br />
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<br />
<br />#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-44270129449579138212014-11-16T04:11:00.000-08:002014-11-16T04:12:34.394-08:00Reality Check....On Expectations<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Expectations,
we all have them. However, I don’t think
we know how to handle it when those expectations are not met, and when people or
situations fail to live up to our expectations. We get angry, disappointed, put
upon,and disheartened; we play the blame game (starting with them and then
ourselves), we rant and rave. But we don't ever really get people to live up or meet our expectations.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5HKH27bi6xA/VGiRh8BFYgI/AAAAAAAAKOU/JYhADbobhwE/s1600/Expectation-is-the-root-of-all-heartache.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5HKH27bi6xA/VGiRh8BFYgI/AAAAAAAAKOU/JYhADbobhwE/s1600/Expectation-is-the-root-of-all-heartache.jpg" height="153" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">So when expectations are not met, the escalation
into major dramas is inevitable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Think of
how many friendships, partnerships, marriages and families have broken up because expectations
were not met. Wars are started because of unmet exceptions. </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">We pretend our
expectations don’t matter. </span><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">But they do
matter, a lot. They are the compass we use to subconsciously ensure that o</span><span style="font-family: Arial;">ur needs are being met.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">In this
time of new age fluffiness, having expectations is seen as a no-no. Quite possibly
your expectations are unreasonable and demanding. It’s all about being
“authentic”. (I so don’t like the word - authentic- what does it really mean
anyway?).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I think the
problem is that we now live in a society where everyone is so far up
their own butts and they are so consumed with themselves and their life that they
don’t give a shit about anyone else - Its so all about me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: large;">Why is it
so unreasonable to have expectations,</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"> especially from people you love, work
with, from friends, family, spouses, kids, politicians, celebrities and brands, and actually, from life itself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I don’t
believe people who say that they don’t have expectations, because if you are
human, then you have expectations. You do a good job, you expect recognition, a
pat on the back, a thank you. If you go out of your way to help someone, then
you do accept some gratitude. if you are paying someone to do a job then you
expect that they will at the very least put the time and effort in to do a good
job. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">It doesn’t
make you a bad person to have expectations. Rather, it makes you a person who
knows where and what their boundaries are, what is acceptable to them and what
isn’t and who know what they want. Is that so bad? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Of course, expectations are a two way street; If your expectation is that your local barista
provides you with excellent coffee, every day, the barista’s expectation is a
genuine “thank you” and perhaps a smile to acknowledge his daily effort. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I get that
people are not mind readers and don’t know what our expectations are…but
really do we have to spell out everything? I got to the point where, in the words of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAOHXSpE-v0" target="_blank">Cheryl Cole,</a> "I don't care and it feels so fucking good to say I swear, I don't care"..... </span></div>
#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-19463937969205507172014-11-13T07:15:00.000-08:002015-04-21T10:46:17.716-07:00Guest Post ...from The Kvetch blog - Music of The Century<a href="http://the-kvetch.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/music-of-century.html" target="_blank">http://the-kvetch.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/music-of-century.html</a>#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-58853993408320016022014-11-05T09:13:00.000-08:002014-11-05T09:17:18.425-08:00Reality Check On...Dealing with Life’s Crap Cycle<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<h2>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">A sure way to ignite the
crap cycle:</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></h2>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">All is good in your world, everything is running smoothly and life, it seems, can only get better.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Career – check</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Kids – check<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Relationship – check<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Friends – check<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Money – check</span><span style="font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; text-align: center;">Clients - check</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Nothing bothers you, you love everyone and everyone loves you back, you
feel confident that no matter what tomorrow brings, you can handle it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">And at that point, we have ignition, and</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3YA_GdX69kA/VFpGQ8jFwnI/AAAAAAAAKJs/17bMN7euHb4/s1600/download%2B(1).jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3YA_GdX69kA/VFpGQ8jFwnI/AAAAAAAAKJs/17bMN7euHb4/s1600/download%2B(1).jpeg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">All
hell breaks loose …</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Most times its like a tidal
wave and wipes you out in one shot. Occasionally it is a series of precision military-like strikes that cause your life to unravel chunk by chunk.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<h2>
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></span></span></h2>
<h2>
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Life is kind of like the stock market - a constant cycle of ups and downs, and then a crash.</span></span></span></h2>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Then the cycle begins
again…up, down, crash and again and again…</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">It does not seem random, but
I also don’t accept the different schools of thought of why the crap
cycle keeps happening over and over. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Here are 3 of the more popular theories:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">1. You need to learn some lesson (it is usually something from a past life so good luck trying to figure that
one out) and until you get it then the same crap cycle will keep happening. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">2. You have self-limiting
beliefs that you are blocking you. Personally I don’t believe that
experiences you have when you were under the age of 5 years old have the power to
dictate your adult life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">3. You keep pissing off the
Universe with negative thoughts and the Universe, as we all know, pays back in
kind. This one cracks me up because the crap usually hits when things are going
really well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Or perhaps it's simply, as my
grandfather was fond of saying “life is a bowl of shit with a single cherry on top”
which is a rather depressing way of looking at life but probably has some truth to it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The worst bit is that when
your life is spiralling out of control, you are expected to stay calm,
positive, give gratitude for what you have (left?) , understand that you will come out
of this stronger than ever, oh and know that there are people who are worse off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">And to help you stay calm,
positive and grateful you will be assaulted with motivational quotes from all the social media platforms. You know the ones I
mean – quotes like:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">“Our difficulties are golden
opportunities to reveal even more potential in this world”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">“Let go and Let God”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">“You have to be at your
strongest, when you are feeling at your weakness’. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">“You are the architect of
your life”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">And be prepared as they will
keep coming…relentlessly! Along with the latest mantras, manifestation
techniques, LOA teachings: everything you need to be doing in order to achieve that perfect life,
which is ironic as you had a good life but just lost it because the crap cycle
hit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">My mother believes (and she
is dead serious when she tells me this) that we experience the bad shit (she
uses another word) in our lives because we don’t pray to God anymore, we don’t
go to church anymore and we have abandoned God.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">This makes me think of a God
with a huge scoreboard with everyone’s name on it and when we are not paying
attention to him or visiting him, it pisses him off and he unleashes his wrath
on us. Fascinating. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<h2>
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: large;">It's obvious
that there is no such thing as going though crap and once you are out on the
other side, you get to live happily ever after…if only that were the case!</span></span></span></h2>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Because as we already know when
you are succeeding in getting your life to a good place, the crap comes
charging at you and you are back to ground zero or pretty close to the floor anyway. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h2>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">The Do's to survive the crap cycle:</span></span></h2>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Do be horrified and panic. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">How did I not see it coming?; Why? Not again? ; What the f**k did I do to deserve this?; Say F**k a lot; and then say it some more. It's very therapeutic. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Do get sad. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Yes I know in 2014 no one
gets sad anymore; we are either depressed or stressed, but being sad is good.
It's actually quite liberating to feel sad, who knew? Plus, when I am at the sad
stage, I have an awesome pity party – on the couch, complete with bottles of wine/tea/coffee, gallons of ice cream/junk food
and watch hours of mindless tv and B list movies. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Do Get Angry</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">It's ok to get angry. Scream, yell, shout. The tendency today is to accept that everything happens for a reason and for our own good. But sometimes crap just happens and it's is only human to be angry when things don't go the way we want them to. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HvAbdy0LGH8/VFpGQ0iygQI/AAAAAAAAKJo/1weU3S40HRI/s1600/dT6aj68T9.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HvAbdy0LGH8/VFpGQ0iygQI/AAAAAAAAKJo/1weU3S40HRI/s1600/dT6aj68T9.jpeg" height="168" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial;">Do ride the waves
(figuratively,but you knew that). Just to be clear, many times I don’t catch the waves ( I am
either not ready, don’t have the energy or just can't be bothered). Sometimes I try to ride the waves but I get hammered. But then that perfect wave comes along and it has enough momentum and speed to
get me to the other side. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Hang Ten, oh yeah! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I know the crap cycle will
always come back, that’s a given… but it still takes me by surprise every time
it hits. Truth is, on the up rotation I forget all about the crap cycle. I get
so excited that life is finally working out for me, because when life is good, it's awesome. I fall in love with my life all over again. Life is good and I have it all figured out, finally.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">But of course that’s
the cue for ignition…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-13832859212803961862014-11-01T07:17:00.000-07:002014-11-01T10:50:51.917-07:00Reality check on…The Horror, The Horror<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JNWZKvoCBn4/VFTg5ah1-gI/AAAAAAAAKHM/HMUb2vtC8zg/s1600/stunningmesh-sad38.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JNWZKvoCBn4/VFTg5ah1-gI/AAAAAAAAKHM/HMUb2vtC8zg/s1600/stunningmesh-sad38.jpg" height="125" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">I am seriously pissed off. And also very sad. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">A 17year old is
beaten to within an inch of his life. By his friends. Why? Well, the fact that
he is gay obviously bothered his ‘friends’ and so, they beat the shit out of
him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2815250/Teen-17-viciously-beaten-gay-called-friend-lured-skate-park.html" target="_blank">For being gay.</a> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">As the mother of a gay son, I am horrified<span style="font-size: large;">, </span>s</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4d4f51; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;">addened, angry and yes, pissed off by this news.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Not
only because this could happen to my boy (and let's face it, this could happen to anyone else’s
son/daughter/ brother/sister/ mother/father); </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">But also because I really believed
that </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">my son was fortunate to be born in a time where tolerance and compassion were part of everyone’s consciousness; and his sexual identify would not define him as a person and he would not be labelled; where he could be and do what he chose since</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"> “”</span><b><span style="background: white; color: #545454; font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Everyone has the right</span></b><span style="background: white; color: #545454; font-family: Arial;"> to
life and </span><b style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial;">to live in freedom and safety” </b><span style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial;">(Universal declaration of Human Rights)</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: Arial;">. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;">Am I delusional or what? Nothing
has really changed, has it?</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Is society still stuck in the mind-set of that <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">sea of sameness </b>as it has been since
the beginning of time?...That same mind-set where anyone or anything, that is different,
even a little bit, is automatically clocked and registered as abnormal and
unacceptable. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Granted that on the surface governments, corporations and businesses are seen to be working towards becoming more inclusive in the work
place and they do make some effort to educate and inform people. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">But really? Do we
need government mandates and training to accept gays, women and all diversity
groups in the work place and in the community? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">WTF? Are we that logically and consciousness
deprived?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">And what is normal and acceptable to this society?
Here's what I think that list probably looks like and most likely, it has not changed much over the centuries:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36.0pt;">
</div>
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">A man can only be in a relationship with a woman. End of.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">Its ok
to eat animals that have been made to suffer needlessly and then brutally
killed as long as you buy the meat at the supermarket.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">Always worship
that invisible god; the one who is vengeful, self-righteous and vindictive and who has a major issue with
anyone who is NOT a straight, white, Christian male</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">If you
have lots of money, you are automatically absolved of all wrongs</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">Making a
bad choice makes you a bad person. Forever.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">I am ok
with everything as long as it does not affect me. In any way.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">It’s not
ok to judge but it is definitely ok and encouraged to criticise, publicly humiliate and
ostracise anyone or anything that is unfamiliar or different.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">Success
is measured in the accumulation of the number of possessions you own</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">Be
politically correct on the surface; as long as you are seen to be PC that’s all
that matters. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">Everyone is considered my brother and sister as long as I am kept completely unaware of their existence.</span></li>
</ol>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">What an incredibly close minded society we live in !</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">We have not evolved into
decent human beings; we just got better at hiding how we really feel. </span><span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Social media makes it so easy for us to be
universally seen as the intellectual, open minded, spiritual, accepting, non judgemental,
free spirits we so obviously are not. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">We can visibly support same sex
marriages, express outrage at the merciless treatment of battery chickens, sign
petitions to stop child labour, domestic violence, child abuse… all the while
we are smugly secure in the knowledge that we will never, ever be called upon
to publicly defend any of the shit we are seen to be supporting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Social media lets us tick off that box that
says to the world…”yes I am a tolerant person who believes and supports
everyone’s basic human right to live, regardless of their religious beliefs,
sexual orientation, cultural background, gender or politics”. The sad reality is that there is no substance or conviction or belief
behind that ticked box.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;">Back to the boy who was
beaten for being gay</span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">…</span> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">By the way, this is not an
isolated incident; this senseless, aggressive, bullying is rampant the world
over against gays, Jews, Romas, women, children, the list goes on and on. </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Here is a quick snapshot of recent UK hate crimes statistics:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><a href="http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2013/08/02/uk-around-100-lgbt-hate-crimes-are-recorded-each-week-by-police/" target="_blank">Research by London LGBT hate crime charity Galop shows 98 homophobic and transphobic crimes are recorded each week by police across Britain </a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/aug/01/sharp-rise-uk-antisemitic-attacks-gaza-conflict" target="_blank">Figures show hate crimes against Jewish people rose by 36% to 304 in first half of2014, followed by 130 in July alone</a> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">How many more people need to be beaten, bullied, shamed and killed because of who they are or what they believe in? At what point do we
draw the line in the sand and say enough is enough? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">As you read the article about <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2815250/Teen-17-viciously-beaten-gay-called-friend-lured-skate-park.html" target="_blank">Dylan</a>,many of you will probably
shrug your shoulders, as in ‘it’s not my problem’ and move on; others may spare
a couple of seconds lamenting the state of the world.</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span><b><span style="font-family: Arial;">But for a significant number, it is a very real
reminder </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">that their world is not safe and that they live under the constant
threat of violence and abuse.</span></b></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b>This is not ok;</b> <span style="font-weight: normal;">I need the
world to be a safe place for my son and for everyone else’s son and daughter. </span></span></span><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">We
all do!</span></span></span></span><br />
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#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-74181886125500274332014-10-21T08:20:00.001-07:002014-10-21T10:12:18.519-07:00Why Oscar de la Renta was an F***ing genius<div class="MsoNormal">
This morning the world woke up to the sad news that 82-year-old
Oscar de la Renta had passed away. Now many people may or may not register his passing, some may throw out an RIP or two on social media. Life goes on. </div>
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I cried when I found out.<br />
The world has lost a genius.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oscar (and no, I did not know him personally but I have
admired and loved his designs most of my life so I feel I can call him by his
first name) was a marketing genius as well as an awesome fashion designer. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
He understood women and that was his genius.<o:p></o:p></div>
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He made women look and feel beautiful and that also was his
genius. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
For decades, he [always] gave women what they needed to be beautiful
– he designed fairy tale princess gowns that swept the floor in vivid red or
gold and crafted in lace, silk, velvet, satin and chiffon, feathers and sequins.
And his little black cocktail dresses! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All those ruffles and silk, and always so feminine and floaty.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He dressed Jackie Kennedy, Nancy
Reagan, Laura Bush, Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">,
</span>Oprah Winfrey, Audrey Hepburn, Cameron Diaz, Nicole Kidman, Penelope
Cruz and Sandra Bullock, to name just a few of his massive fan base. <span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oscar was immortalised during Miranda Priestley’s (Devil Wears Prada) speech on the cerulean blue jumper and also when Carrie (Sex In
the City) wears an Oscar de la Renta dress to the Metropolitan Opening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, Sarah Jessica Parker is one of
Oscar’s biggest fans both on and off screen and the black and white gown with
his name splashed across the back is a testament of her love for the designer. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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Just last month, Amal Alamuddin, Clooney’s bride wore an
amazingly beautiful Oscar de la Renta wedding gown. It was one of his best ever
wedding gowns, although sadly his last.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-weight: normal;">Oscar got women. Genius!</span></h3>
</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-69286458495023340272014-10-19T06:43:00.000-07:002014-10-19T06:52:00.933-07:00Reality Check ....On Grief<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Grief originates when we experience a tragic event and we
are expected to<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> ‘get over it’</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘move on’</i> since<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">nothing
lasts forever’</i>, and ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">there is a light
at the end of the tunnel’ </i>and we should <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘stay
strong and carry on’</i> because <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘tomorrow
is a new day’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>Rubbish! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AhQkeBc5aQs/VEPB2eQvhTI/AAAAAAAAJ08/d_8s2PUzFQ8/s1600/images787.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AhQkeBc5aQs/VEPB2eQvhTI/AAAAAAAAJ08/d_8s2PUzFQ8/s1600/images787.jpg" height="143" width="200" /></a></div>
It takes time (sometimes a lifetime and sometimes it just never happens) to get to grips with grief. It is not until
you experience grief first hand and feel that deep painful loss (the one that
changes you forever) can you know that, from that moment on, grief will shadow
you forever. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Grief found me when I lost my father and over the last year,
grief and I have become well acquainted. It has become my shadow. Some days it just
hangs around – a dull ache just making its presence known and some days, there
is no way of ignoring those raw, overwhelming, intense and all consuming waves
that crush you over and over. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the other hand, grief puts life in perspective and it has
changed me. I find that I look at the world differently, with more
compassion and empathy, less judgemental, more gratitude. Most of all I don’t
take life so dammed seriously any more. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Once embraced, grief gives you the freedom to love more, appreciate
all that is good in life and try to live every day like it’s the best day ever.
<o:p></o:p></div>
#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-75814140516827695202014-10-13T09:16:00.000-07:002014-10-13T09:50:27.595-07:00Reality Check... On Being Positive, All The Time!<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #28333b; font-family: proxima-nova-soft, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 26px !important; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
I have wanted to write this blog for a while, but due to lack of time and mainly, life getting in the way , I had to put it on the back burner. However, after reading and listening to so much crap this weekend, I think its time has come....</div>
<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #28333b; font-family: proxima-nova-soft, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 26px !important; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
I am fed up with the constant drivel and misinformation that keeps coming at us that in order to achieve (fill in the blank...<em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">happiness, money, love, career</em>) we need to be and stay in a positive state of mind...all the f***ing time. Apparently, the Universe gets pissed off when we veer off the "positivity" train of thought and then watch out...its payback time! So, all that bad shit you are going through, well. you had a few negative thoughts, so what did you expect? </div>
<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #28333b; font-family: proxima-nova-soft, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 26px !important; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NsOlmV4nntM/VDwCbUSoWII/AAAAAAAAJyc/BY-4Vd3tosU/s1600/thoughts-bubble.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NsOlmV4nntM/VDwCbUSoWII/AAAAAAAAJyc/BY-4Vd3tosU/s1600/thoughts-bubble.png" height="200" width="186" /></a></div>
Has anyone tried being positive all day, every day, all the time? Its exhausting and totally impractical. Everyone has approximately <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">50,000</strong><strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">-70,000</strong> thoughts per day - this means we have between 35 and 48 thoughts per minute. My 50,000+ thoughts a day are usually a jumble of good, bad and ugly ones...and depends largely on the type of day I am having or the mood I am in.</div>
<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #28333b; font-family: proxima-nova-soft, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 26px !important; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Chi ching! But its big business..</strong>. and so there are webinars, e-books, workshops, meditations, seminars and coaching readily available to help you achieve that 'positive' state of mind. The one that will open the doors to abundance, love, dream jobs, etc. </div>
<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #28333b; font-family: proxima-nova-soft, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 26px !important; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Does it work? You do the maths...</div>
#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0London, UK51.5073509 -0.1277582999999822351.1912379 -0.77320529999998222 51.8234639 0.51768870000001777tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-27396324174905494522014-06-15T03:23:00.003-07:002014-11-01T10:46:31.206-07:00An Un-Father's Day.... <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tRlrTP5LSC0/U51wlLZRRcI/AAAAAAAAHhI/yEe9FyVRnSg/s1600/479886_418429961584967_306297634_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tRlrTP5LSC0/U51wlLZRRcI/AAAAAAAAHhI/yEe9FyVRnSg/s1600/479886_418429961584967_306297634_n.jpg" height="140" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">Today is a tough day on a couple of fronts - 1) it's my first Father’s Day without my dear father and 2) the many sons (mine included) and daughters who don’t celebrate
this day since they have an Un–Father rather than a father. </span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">Now before we go into what an Un-Father is, I want to
say that not all fathers are rubbish; I was
lucky to have an amazing father; my
brother is a great father and there are hundreds of thousands of men out there who
are excellent, loving, caring dads. This is not about you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<h2>
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></h2>
<h2>
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;">What are Un-Fathers, you ask?</span></span></h2>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">Un-Fathers claim to love
their children but they are absent from their lives; they are emotionally,
unavailable "aholes" and really rubbish fathers; and they are always always busy;
they choose not to be around for the milestones,</span> <span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">they miss birthdays and their kids successes and failures, and they are never around to pick up the pieces; many of
them don’t pay any child support, don’t give a shit if their kids have a roof
over the heads, or food on the table. If they do bother to communicate (and
that would be maybe once in a blue moon) it is probably via email. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aMvbPPcYKzQ/U51wLXXRHhI/AAAAAAAAHhA/f0XN0SO2_cg/s1600/boys+walking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aMvbPPcYKzQ/U51wLXXRHhI/AAAAAAAAHhA/f0XN0SO2_cg/s1600/boys+walking.jpg" height="200" width="118" /></span></a><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">During their childhood and adolescence, these kids live
in the unrealistic hope that their father will realise that they exist and they (the kids) will
do and give anything to have a relationship with their father; but in most cases, it’s
a moot point because the Un-Father is a selfish bastard who is out for himself;
he has no time for anyone, especially his kids since they represent commitment,
responsibility, devotion and being ever present in their lives through the good and the bad. </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">Luckily at some stage, uncles, grandfathers and step fathers step in to do
their job.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">Sadly, since the Un-Father is a mutant breed, they are
constantly evolving into new levels of disconnection and non-commitment. </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But here’s the crux of the situation, when these kids are
old enough to make their own decisions, and </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">once they realise they don’t need that kind
of person in their lives , they </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">unceremoniously and abruptly cut
all expectations of having a father and successfully move on. </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">So today, if you are that man, wondering why your
children did not call you for Father’s Day or send a card, it’s probably that
you have gone from being a father to an Un-Father…don’t blame the kids and for
heaven’s sake don’t blame their mothers,instead be happy that you finally got what you wanted. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">To
all the single mums</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">, who raised (or are still raising) their
kids alone because they had Un-Fathers, keep up the great work!!! We take on the dual roles of mother and father and d</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">espite of, or perhaps in spite of,
their fathers being Un-Fathers,</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;"> our kids are strong,
courageous, compassionate, kind and resilient human beings. </span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-81915400515493579992014-05-05T23:49:00.000-07:002014-05-05T23:50:08.792-07:00Inspiring Others, What’s That About?<a href="http://peopledevelopmentmagazine.com/inspiring-others-whats-that-about/">Inspiring Others, What’s That About?</a>#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-67867932717848484522014-04-14T08:18:00.000-07:002014-04-14T08:19:31.114-07:00Parenting For Prevention by Mandy Saligari - Charter Harley Street<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Parenting For Prevention </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">by Mandy Saligari</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"> ‘I
just want you to be happy’</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Of
course, as parents we all want our kids to be happy and successful and most of
us will do our utmost to ensure this happens…and that’s a good thing isn’t it? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Yet
when a parent says something along the lines of ‘I just want you to be happy’
to their child, most teenagers will respond with a belligerent sigh and raise
their eyes, heavenwards. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This type of
response may simply be a case of the teenager not feeling understood, or of
wanting a parent to stop treating them like a child. In fact, ‘child rejects
parent’ is a very natural part of the maturing process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">However,
when a family ends up in my office, there are usually pretty serious
circumstances surrounding the ‘I just want you to be happy’ statement and
response. Beyond rejecting a parent, that child, if I can refer to a teenager
as a child, is often also harming themselves. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fashioning sustainable solutions and building
bridges is the (relatively!) easy part of the process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Breaking through the denial often is where
the lion’s share of the work lies. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Behaviours,
‘good and bad’ are often a barometer of what is going on within the family
dynamic and it’s important to listen, to hear what is being ‘said’ through the
behaviours. This way the true nature of the problem can be identified.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">When
I assess troubling behaviour in a child below the age of 12, I look to the
family dynamics first. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes I never
meet the child; rather I work with the parents who can then adjust their
parenting to address the problem. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">At
other times and usually when the child is older than 12, it is a family affair
and, when possible, everyone gets involved. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Setting
Boundaries</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">As
a working parent, I know all too well the pitfalls and pain of timetabling
family life alongside a demanding job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
guilt of being a working mum is a place I could go to if I chose. But I don’t.
I know why I do what I do, and I take responsibility for that. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">It’s
important not to shirk from the truth; because as parents we do have a
significant influence on our children’s development… through our own behaviours.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is worth remembering that as we
manipulate our child to do what we want - give it a few years and your own tricks
may well come back to bite you!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Instead
use boundaries, consistent clear boundaries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not to control the other person, but more as an influence, a guide, a
GPS signal that is consistent and congruent, emitted from you to the world.
These boundaries signify the demarcation of who you are, what is acceptable to
you and what is not, what makes you laugh and what makes you sad, what
interests you, what is appropriate and what is intolerable. It allows you to be
truly known. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">When
a boundary is compromised, it corrupts that signal, breaking your own moral
code – and you end up lying, denying your needs, manipulating, enabling or
acting in ways that are not ‘you’. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Be
‘Good Enough’ </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Having
respectful boundaries makes you a ‘good enough parent’; <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>one who stands in your own esteem exemplifies
dignity and respect and who is consistent and congruent … regardless of whether
what you say and do meets with your child’s approval or not.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">It’s
a powerful anchor for a child to have true knowledge of a parent who is in good
self-esteem. It will allow them to ask for help and advice when they need it,
and trust you not to judge or micromanage; it will allow them to share their
success, knowing you won’t want a piece of the accolade; it will let them know
where they come from and give them a sense of identity they can respect;
whatever life throws at them, it will allow them to remain in honest
relationship with you - what more could you want? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Mandy Saligari is the founder and Clinical Director of Charter Harley Street (www.charterharelystreet.com). Information on Parenting for Prevention workshops can be found at </span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><a href="http://www.charterharleystreet.com/charter-workshops.html"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">www.charterharleystreet.com/charter-workshops.html</span></a></span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--Ub0ec5UdEw/UzvVY0YXoAI/AAAAAAAAFco/rFsziwkJ73c/s1600/sorry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--Ub0ec5UdEw/UzvVY0YXoAI/AAAAAAAAFco/rFsziwkJ73c/s1600/sorry.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">How many
times have you been on the receiving end of “oh, I am so sorry for (fill in the
blank - <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">being late, cancelling on you,
ruining your life, cheating on you, not calling you, making you sad,).</i> Saying
sorry has become the “get out of jail card”; you screw up, say sorry and voila!
You are automatically pardoned. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Ok,
there are times, occasionally, when you just can’t help it and things beyond
your control do happen. Still, saying sorry does not fix what has been broken.</span>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">S</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">aying sorry is crap because all it does is <b>makes</b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> you (the person saying it) feel good</b>. That’s all. </span>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">For the
person on the receiving end, they get a meaningless word plus they have to pick
up the pieces.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Nothing changes.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 22.0pt;">Even celebrities love to publicly apologise
for </span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">their
bad and sometimes unacceptable behaviour. It gives them, probably like us, the
feel good factor plus another 5 minutes in the headlines. But did that apology
from Justin Beiber to his fans for being 2 hours late for his own concert, make
things right? Those poor fans will never get those 2 hours back. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>When we watched Tiger Woods publicly apologise
after he cheated on his wife, did that apology remove the anguish and heartache
he put his wife through?</span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 22.0pt;"> </span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt;">No.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But at least
both Justin and Tiger felt good about themselves, which is apparently the whole point of saying sorry. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 22.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The 3
worst kind of sorry(s) </span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">1. When people coyly tilt their head to one side and say “Oh,
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are actually saying is F*ck You. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">2. When you try to point out how they messed you up, and
they predictably interrupt you with “Well I said Sorry” as if that clarifies and makes everything better. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">3. Then there are the sorry(s) accompanied with a :( </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> on texts and emails; Seriously?
Like a sad face emoticon is supposed to make up for everything. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Guess<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2e4NlnLr28&feature=kp" target="_blank"> EltonJohn</a> was so wrong, when he sang that “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word”. It
is just a meaningless word and a reactive action people use when they screw up and
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Saying sorry is crap and Elton...sorry is easy to say.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>The </i><i><b><a href="http://shugarlove.com/all-you-need-is-love/"><em>#allyouneedisloveproject </em></a></b>is a movement to inspire more love on this planet. The more we come together, the more love we can share. Check it out on </i> <a href="http://shugarlove.com/all-you-need-is-love/" target="_blank">Shugar Love</a>. This week's Love Topic is <b>"I love me because…"</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So here goes...<a href="http://shugarlove.com/all-you-need-is-love/" target="_blank"></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>I Heart Me</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Yes I do! Sure there are a couple of things I would
change but over all I love who I have become. Hmm, so you probably guessed that
I did not always love myself, in fact I would go as far as saying that at times
I did not even like myself. The reason for that was because I believed what
people and one in particular told me; That I was not good enough, not pretty
enough, not nice enough, not smart enough… in fact I was simply not enough. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When he left I knew just like Gloria Gaynor that I would
survive (somehow) and of all the damage he left behind, the hardest one was putting
myself together again…. I needed to put myself on top of the list in order to
be emotionally, intellectually, and physically available to others; <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and the only way I could do that was to start
loving me, for the woman I am and the one <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would become...</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So yes <b>I heart me</b>:
for having the courage to speak up, to have a voice (sometimes a loud one), making
a difference, exploring beyond the boundaries that I set, colouring outside the
lines…the list goes on and on.</span>
#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-3878011763381520922014-03-22T00:31:00.000-07:002014-03-22T00:34:38.347-07:0010 Tips To Get Back In The Driver's Seat<h3 class="MsoNormal">
Is your business turning into a success story or is it more a saga of ‘terror and dread’?</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As
we struggle to stay on top of the mountain of paperwork, emails and the
very time consuming social media marketing, the passion and enthusiasm
that drove us to start our own business can soon become a distant memory
Throw in the networking and sales we are expected to do in order to
keep the business profitable and it is no wonder that we end up working
“in the business” versus “on the business.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Working
in the business inevitably leads to the business and you getting stuck
in a cycle of repetitive paralysis (i.e. ineffective practices,
non-existent or useless strategies and “toxic” behaviours hammered by
mounting self-doubt and diminishing self-confidence). This is
accompanied by the cross road stage where you keep asking yourself ‘Do I
carry on or do I cut my losses and run?’ </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This
is a side of business that is not often trending on Twitter or talked
about very much on social media networks; no one likes to admit that
they are overwhelmed and unsure, that their business is stuck in a rut
and they are not quite sure what to do next. The reality is that
everyone,(yes everyone) who owns a business goes through repetitive
paralysis at some point, and sometimes more than once. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Here's Ten Tips to get you back in the in the driver’s seat…</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1.<b> Why are you in business?</b> - The reason you started the business is important as it is your reason for being. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rediscover, harness and leverage the entrepreneurial spirit that started it all.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. <b>What do you want?</b>
- When our life goals and values are not aligned with our business
objectives, it sets off a chain reaction of stress and anxiety.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Get clarity of what you want and make sure that your life goals are aligned with your business objectives. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3. <b>Ditch the ‘leap-of-faith’ strategy</b> - No one can operate successfully when they have a vague or no idea of where they are going. Dust
off the business plan and start using it as the roadmap by which you
run your business. Make sure you keep it updated, always!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4. <b>So, how well is your business doing?</b>
- Take a good hard look at your current reality. Be honest with
yourself about how you are doing in the market, with your products,
services, brand, customers, competition operations and the state of your
financial position. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
5. <b>Are you innovating?</b> - Boost your core business by improving and building on your existing services and products</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
6. <b>Emotions And Business Don’t Mix - </b>Drama and melodrama will only create knee jerk decisions that are unproductive and reactive. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Revolutionise your thinking and approach by cultivating a business conscious mentality and attitude.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
7. <b>How’s your self-confidence?</b> - Lack of self-confidence is one of the main obstacles that keep us and our businesses in a rut. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maintaining a positive belief in yourself is crucial. So too is the passion, excitement and enjoyment of what you are doing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
8. <b>Are your behaviours sabotaging your business?</b> -
Your behaviour may be having a negative impact on your business and
your performance. In times of stress and when we find ourselves under
pressure, our positive qualities can turn into less attractive
behaviour. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ask your clients, employees, partners and anyone connected with the business to give you honest feedback on your behaviour.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
9. <b>Keep track of your business results: the good, the bad and the ugly - </b> Besides
setting goals and targets you also need to be tracking the results…how
else can you determine what works and what doesn’t. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
10. <b>Ask for help - </b>As
business owners we tend to retreat into isolation when faced with a
problem or issue rather than reaching out to others who have experienced
similar problems. Get yourself a mentor, business coach or join a
mastermind group where you can talk and brainstorm with people who are
in similar situations. </div>
#OnUCGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03798682376591185441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759431047420119287.post-58938139881294193902014-03-05T22:43:00.000-08:002014-03-05T23:19:02.210-08:00 Charter Harley Street - Why our Children are self harming<a href="http://mandysaligari.charterdaycare.com/why-our-children-are-self-harming/" target="_blank"><!--[if !mso]>
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IL5aBB726Dk/UxgYDkXc8LI/AAAAAAAAFHM/056LHrZOOY8/s1600/sh.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IL5aBB726Dk/UxgYDkXc8LI/AAAAAAAAFHM/056LHrZOOY8/s1600/sh.png" height="212" width="320" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Self-harm can take many forms
and can result from any number of emotional or personal situations.</span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">For most it is</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">
a very secretive, concealed act.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoSubtitle" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-h_fFxcavNGs/UxgYCm325cI/AAAAAAAAFG4/jMhaXdiAxzA/s1600/sh2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-h_fFxcavNGs/UxgYCm325cI/AAAAAAAAFG4/jMhaXdiAxzA/s1600/sh2.png" height="186" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
statistics</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Self-harm statistics</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;"> for the UK show one of the highest
rates in Europe: 400 per 100,000 population. It is estimated that one in 12
young people in the UK are believed to have self-harmed at some point in their
lives. </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">Many
of them use self-harming as a way of communicating because they feel that no
one is listening and they also believe that they have no one to turn to. </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">3
in 4 young people don’t know where to turn to talk about self-harm (Source:www.youngminds.org.uk)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">A
third of parents would not seek professional help if their child was
self-harming (Source: www.youngminds.org.uk)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">Almost
half GPs feel that they don’t understand young people who self-harm and their
motivations (Source: www.youngminds.org.uk)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">2
in 3 teachers don’t know what to say to young people who self-harm (Source:</span>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">www.youngminds.org.uk)
</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">While
studies show that some chronic self-injurers tend to get better without
therapy, many people really need professional help to open themselves to new
ways of being in the world and with stress<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">.(Source:</i></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;"> </span></i><a href="http://www.selfinjury.bctr.cornell.edu/blog/post.php?s=2013-09-27-speaking-the-soul-why-kids-cut-and-what-we-can-do-about-it"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">Cornell Research Program on Self-Injury and Recovery</span></i></a><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">)</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The Reasons
for Self-Harming – </span><a href="http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/#.UxIDUYWgvjM"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-themecolor: text1;">Mind</span></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> , the UK Mental Health Charity</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To express something that is hard to put into
words</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
make experiences, thoughts or feelings that feel invisible into something
visible</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
change emotional pain into physical pain</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
reduce overwhelming emotional feelings or thoughts</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
have a sense of being in control</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
escape traumatic memories</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
stop feeling numb, disconnected or dissociated (see dissociative disorders)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To create a reason
to physically care for yourself</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To express suicidal feelings and thoughts
without taking your own life </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To communicate
to other people that you are experiencing severe distress</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">A
Parent’s Viewpoint</span></div>
<div class="MsoQuote" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; font-style: normal; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Ten years ago, when my son was 13
years old he started cutting himself. Looking back I did not handle the
situation well at all. On hearing the term “self-harm” for the first time, I
remember thinking “Isn’t that what the Opus Dei monks do?”, (as in those monks
who engage in self-flagellation in order to punish themselves and because pain
made them feel closer to God). Of course, there was nothing remotely connected
to Opus Dei or religion about what my son was doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mainly I was angry with him as I could not
understand what could possibly make him want to hurt himself, over and over
again. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">I was
also convinced that my son was the only child on the planet engaging in this
(well apart from the monks) and so for the next four years he and I battled –
covertly - for his survival. My son took self-harming to beyond cutting; he
would stop eating for days on end, he hung out with “friends” who bullied him,
he got into alcohol, drugs and as he got older, he engaged in a string of abusive
relationships. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">All of
this served to perpetuate his idea that he needed to feel pain (physical and
emotional) in order to feel something, to have control and to release the anger
that silently raged within him.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">A
Child’s </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .75pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: major-fareast; mso-themecolor: text1;">Viewpoint</span><i><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: .75pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: major-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin; mso-themecolor: accent1;"></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">“Cutting
was a release, not of huge amounts of rage (although I’m still waiting for that
to surface) but of less noticeable emotion – I did not know how I felt – I did
not have the skills to verbalize my experiences and therefore felt very trapped
in my body. I often felt as if I was sitting in a wooden box, I could see
out of little gaps in the wood work but people couldn’t see in. At least
when I cut myself I could see the evidence of my being alive….the rest of the
time I really did not care if I lived or died.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">“The
secrecy of being in a room of people and knowing that underneath your clothes
there are burns from lighters, cigarettes and matches which are an aesthetic to
the internal pain, trauma and shame I feel about myself.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">I am
like the junkie who shoots up down a dark side-alley but instead I am applying
the 8th burn to my arm because I can feel the dark shadow of panic/shame
overcoming me and I won't make it home if I don't get this hit.” </span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">So what do you do if your child is self-harming? </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">Mandy
Saligari, founder and director of </span><a href="http://www.charterharleystreet.com/"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-themecolor: text1;">Charter Harley Street</span></i></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">, explains that “</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Self-harm
is a pattern of behaviours that, like so many addictive patterns and
dysfunctional coping mechanisms, can be hidden in plain view, even in those as
young as 6 or 7 yrs. old. It is often the first sign of a problem which left
unaddressed frequently develops into an eating disorder or drug and alcohol addiction”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Do not ignore the
signs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you feel out of your depth and
if find that you cannot deal with the way your child is behaving, Mandy
Saligari strongly suggests that “you seek support from a child and adolescent
psychotherapist or an EMDR therapist who specialises in working with children. Trying
to deal with it yourself and failing can generate negative emotions, making the
child feel even more hopeless and the parent feel useless. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">Both will foster
resentment, which in turn drives the urge to self-harm - a vicious circle”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">Philip
Andrews, (Psychotherapist – EMDR Europe Accredited Consultant) believes that,
“Trauma often leaves people feeling numb and depressed. Self-harm can allow
them to literally feel for a short time, so as a short term solution it becomes
addictive”.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">The light at the end
of the tunnel… </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">It is important to
remember that self-harm is not a phase someone is going through or a fad but rather
a coping mechanism</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">for depression, stress and anxiety</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">. </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">There</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;"> is no quick fix but over time with </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;">supportive care and attention, new ways of coping can replace the need
to self-harm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>. </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;"></span></div>
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__________________________________________________________________________________</div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">About
Charter Harley Street: <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Discover the
Power of Charter Harley Street</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">London’s leading private outpatient facility for
Trauma, Addiction and Mental Health. </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;">–</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> www.charterharley
street.com</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">About Mandy Saligari:</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;"> <b>Founder and Clinical Director,
Charter Harley Street </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Mandy is a well-respected established expert in the
field of addiction, parenting and relationships.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Born from her
passion for helping people overcome addictive behaviour, Mandy founded Charter
Harley Street to address the market need for a common sense approach to
recovery; one that delivers recovery for life and is underpinned by humility,
gratitude and hope.</span></div>
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