Sunday, 16 November 2014

Reality Check....On Expectations

Expectations, we all have them.  However, I don’t think we know how to handle it when those expectations are not met, and when people or situations fail to live up to our expectations. We get angry, disappointed, put upon,and disheartened; we play the blame game (starting with them and then ourselves), we rant and rave. But we don't ever really get people to live up or meet our expectations.

So when expectations are not met, the escalation into major dramas is inevitable.
Think of how many friendships, partnerships, marriages and families have broken up because expectations were not met. Wars are started because of unmet exceptions. We pretend our expectations don’t matter.  But they do matter, a lot. They are the compass we use to subconsciously ensure that our needs are being met.

In this time of new age fluffiness, having expectations is seen as a no-no. Quite possibly your expectations are unreasonable and demanding. It’s all about being “authentic”. (I so don’t like the word - authentic- what does it really mean anyway?).

I think the problem is that we now live in a society where everyone is so far up their own butts and they are so consumed with themselves and their life that they don’t give a shit about anyone else - Its so all about me.

Why is it so unreasonable to have expectations, especially from people you love, work with, from friends, family, spouses, kids, politicians, celebrities and brands, and actually, from life itself.

I don’t believe people who say that they don’t have expectations, because if you are human, then you have expectations. You do a good job, you expect recognition, a pat on the back, a thank you. If you go out of your way to help someone, then you do accept some gratitude. if you are paying someone to do a job then you expect that they will at the very least put the time and effort in to do a good job.

It doesn’t make you a bad person to have expectations. Rather, it makes you a person who knows where and what their boundaries are, what is acceptable to them and what isn’t and who know what they want. Is that so bad?

Of course, expectations are a two way street; If your expectation is that your local barista provides you with excellent coffee, every day, the barista’s expectation is a genuine “thank you” and perhaps a smile to acknowledge his daily effort.

I get that people are not mind readers and don’t know what our expectations are…but really do we have to spell out everything? I got to the point where, in the words of Cheryl Cole, "I don't care and it feels so fucking good to say I swear, I don't care".....      

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