Today is a tough day on a couple of fronts - 1) it's my first Father’s Day without my dear father and 2) the many sons (mine included) and daughters who don’t celebrate this day since they have an Un–Father rather than a father.
Now before we go into what an Un-Father is, I want to say that not all fathers are rubbish; I was lucky to have an amazing father; my brother is a great father and there are hundreds of thousands of men out there who are excellent, loving, caring dads. This is not about you.
What are Un-Fathers, you ask?
Un-Fathers claim to love their children but they are absent from their lives; they are emotionally, unavailable "aholes" and really rubbish fathers; and they are always always busy; they choose not to be around for the milestones, they miss birthdays and their kids successes and failures, and they are never around to pick up the pieces; many of them don’t pay any child support, don’t give a shit if their kids have a roof over the heads, or food on the table. If they do bother to communicate (and that would be maybe once in a blue moon) it is probably via email.
During their childhood and adolescence, these kids live in the unrealistic hope that their father will realise that they exist and they (the kids) will do and give anything to have a relationship with their father; but in most cases, it’s a moot point because the Un-Father is a selfish bastard who is out for himself; he has no time for anyone, especially his kids since they represent commitment, responsibility, devotion and being ever present in their lives through the good and the bad. Luckily at some stage, uncles, grandfathers and step fathers step in to do their job.
Sadly, since the Un-Father is a mutant breed, they are constantly evolving into new levels of disconnection and non-commitment. But here’s the crux of the situation, when these kids are old enough to make their own decisions, and once they realise they don’t need that kind of person in their lives , they unceremoniously and abruptly cut all expectations of having a father and successfully move on.
So today, if you are that man, wondering why your children did not call you for Father’s Day or send a card, it’s probably that you have gone from being a father to an Un-Father…don’t blame the kids and for heaven’s sake don’t blame their mothers,instead be happy that you finally got what you wanted.